the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
