we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
