I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
