I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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