your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
