I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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