My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
she peed on how many people?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
