All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize