im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
