I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
