I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
