the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I need a burrito and a hug.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
