Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
