i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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