I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
