Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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