It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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