i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
