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• (408): View more from California

  every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.

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• (204): View more from Manitoba

  We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.

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• (731): View more from Tennessee

  You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.

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• (845): View more from New York

  On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.

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• (585): View more from New York

  The uberlube is also flammable

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.

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• (386): View more from Florida

  It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!

  (904): View more from Florida

  Do you even hear yourself?

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