I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
