forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
