Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
