do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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