he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
