At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
