dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
