The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
