that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
