We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
