You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
