Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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