If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
