It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
