this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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