I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
