Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
