The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
