It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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