I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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