Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
