i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
