Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
