I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
