what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
