saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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