i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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