yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
