She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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