just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I can't turn off my feet"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
