I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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