The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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