I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize