How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Randomize
