Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
