Your face is a jimmy john
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
whose parrot is this?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
