Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
