After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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