I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
