I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Blood and glitter go together right?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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