You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Randomize
