I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
