I'm sorry my penis didn't work
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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