Ambien. No doubt about it.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
