I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
