She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
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