Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
