I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
