hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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