You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
